hiding

   after our last chat.i set my msn invisible. i am hiding.i donot want to chat with him.in fact.donot want to chat with anybody.

  a little disappointed.seems.he didnot log in these days.what was he doing? i want to know.but.i dicide not to care for him again.

  i read a lot about meeting net-friend.most think: when you know a friend on net.you feel he or she is a good guy which can be a friend.you do better not to meet personally.if you did.then.your friendship will die too. i believe that.so i never want to meet anybody from net.but.when he said he will travel to china.and will like to meet me.what can i say?

  "is it important to you?" i want to tell him.it isnot so important.but he said:"yes!" a little touched in my heart.if he came to china.as a chinese.as a friend.if i didnot want to meet him.maybe.that will hurt him? for me.i would rather hurt myself than hurt another.so i agreed.

 yes.i had thought he is a friend.the first i knew him in msn.(i had forget where i meet him on net).i didnot like the way he chatted.i mean.i hate to talk something about sex with another.i told him i didnot like talking that directly,but he just laughed. that let me keep touch with him is that sometimes he was so sentimental...maybe.as me as a sentimental person.i always like a sentimental guy..i always thing a person with a sentimental heart.then.he must be very kind ...

   so .we often chat on msn.from that.i know why he feel so.because his marriage.seems.his marriage hurts him so lot.one day.in cam.he show me a guy and said: he wanted to kill himself..i felt so bad.just adviced him:should go to travel.to another place.i believe.he will feel better.then.he said:he would like to china!

  i had to think a plan for his coming. i have to go office everyday.and my family need me to take after everyday...,in fact.i felt so puzzled!thanks about a lot.i planed to tell my husband about his coming.he was so angry,i knew.chinese man always love to be jealous.but.if he told me he will go to meet a girl.what will be my feeling? i understand his feeling.but after i told him all thing about him.he agreed.

  he arrived at beijing.stayed there for few days.from his email.i knew.he has a friend ,a female friend there.seems.they are closed.i asked.is she your gf? he didnot deny.

  that day.he told me.he will take the train to here.that morning.i went to station with a friend.waittinf for a while.he came.yes.i knew that was him.i meet his in cam. we took him to hotel.then.went to see the park where is the most famous project which was building before 2000 years ago.seems.he enjoyed a lot.i am surprised that he knew a lot about chinese culture.

  that dinner.we treat him with  chafing dish.here.chafing dish is very delicious.after we went back him.my husband said:seems.the guy is a good guy .i felt glad that he isnot jealous again.

  the next day.he went to another place.then.went back chengdu for airplane .after he left.i felt so sorry.because.i think.as  a host.i should take care for him more.but i didnot.after he went back his home.we met on msn again.he told me.he liked so much about the travel.and..he added:he liked me so much too..i were so surprised.what is a western logic? when he were here.from his words.i knew.he lived with the beijing girl.i asked him.what will be the future.he said :no,i felt so bad with it.i am a tradional person.i cannot agree that.if he loved that girl (yes.i asked him.he said.maybe he love her),if he love.then.how can he said the same words to another lady?if he didnot love her.how can he lived with her? just for sex? that is so boring! i cannot agree that at all!

  i wanted to tell him:maybe.in china.there are much girl want to marry over sea for money.but not all..but ,i cannot say that.anyways.i donot want to hurt him.

  if he didnot said he loved me .then.i still will think he is a friend.but he did.that made me so disappointed.maybe.i am selfish.but from that.i know.that i want is so different with he wants.so i set my msn invisible.

  my husband.his action give me different feeling.seems.these years.he changed a lot. before.he even cannot see i talk to a man.but now.he can accept my friends.i think.what i want? maybe.he isnot the best lover.but .anyways.he is my son's father.he is my husband.we seldom live together.but we still will share a lot.right? i should not to give up the true life for the virtual life.right?

  well.every one has his own way for life.i cannot blame that.just wish every one take care in his own way !