hurt for love

   yesterday.husband told me in phone.he had a dream about i died in a car accident . so he worried about me..seems. he cares me. yes.i think so. so.evening.when i went out to do exercise.i were so carefully.ha.ha.sometimes.i feel very pessmistic .but. anyways.i still dont want to die._.

  but the guy who went to dance with me.seems.she was in a bad mood.when we went back .at the gate of our yard .she still complained to me about her boss.yes.i know.that was a bad guy.i can understand her feeling.if i were in her office.i am sure i will fight with him. i am a guy who do my work hardly.but if some guy want to create diffculties to me .then.i must fight back.ha.ha.seems.i never can be a good clerk.

   after she left.i went into my house to open the door with my key.i found it was locked! after a while.mother in law came to open the door.i were so angry.asked her: why did you lock the door? she said:it was late.but i still didnot come back. i wanted to shout at her.but..face her smile.i felt so hard.yes.i know.her son called her.and told his dream.so she worried about me when i didnot go back on time.anyways.she is eldership.donot need to be mad at her..she found my angry.so.all night.she just be so careful to me.this morning.she even got up early to make breakfast to me.yes.i can forgive her.i never want to be mad at her.but.she can know how hurt me? the sadest is that makes me recall another thing.that was few years ago.at the time.i were busy for work.a night.boss asked me to finished a work.yes.it was very hurry.i had to.after finished the work.when i arrived home.the door was locked.husband sit there to watch tv.i clocked at the door.but he didnot open the door.who know my feeling at that moment? i stood outside.no where to go.it was rain.yes.so cold.after a while.he opened the door.i said nothing.yes.i decided to say nothing.he explained to me.he was angry.because i didnot go back at so late night.he worried about me very much...that was the reason to lock my door? i still said nothing..but.that had hurt me so much.i never can forgive that.

  yes.that is a heavy hurt in my heart..i marry him.what i want? he has no money.he has no degree.almost all people asked me: why did i marry him? becasue i am a academician.but he just greduated from midschool. all i want just that we can care for each other.can love each other.no more.but what i got? when another said that to me.when i see these people who never work hard.but just because they have a richer husband.so they can laugh at me for my poor.what can i say? i work so hard.i study so hard.but.it is helpful? yes.maybe.he still loves me.but.if the love is hurt.what can i say?

  well.if i cannot change.then.i have to receive.that is the word i say to me every day.yes.i cannot change.i have a son.for him.i cannot devorce.i donot want to hurt him.i brought him to the word.i cannot protect him for all hurt.at less.i cannot do something to hurt him.that is my faith . if i had to got hurt.if my give up can give my son a good condition.then.i will. yes.there are much bad kids in china.almost all of them are from a devorced family.i donot want my son so.

  my God.if you exist.if you can see.i wish you can give my son happiness replaced my tribulation