especial person

   the last evening.donot know why.i just feel so bad.seems.something had been lost in my heart.before i slept.i sit on bed in darkness.just thought.why did i feel that? what did i lose?

  few days ago.he sent a email to me.and told me.will be christmas.he cannot give me gifts.so just post a little money to me.at that time.i feel so bad.not for him.just for he is so kind to me.but what can i do for him?

  i forget how did  we met. just he sent a email to me.and then.we start to keep touch in msn.for me.i always tell every body who keep touch to me i am marry and i donot look for love just friends.i just want to know more different culture.just want to exercise my english.i think he understood.he seldom connect to msn.just send email to me everday.and i send email to him too.we detail our life to each other.today.if i cannot find his email for days.i will feel so bad.worry about him very much. he loves hunting.every year.he will go to hunting in mountain.sometimes.i do wish i can go with him.

  yes.i can feel his heart.i know.he do likes me.he do love to marry me.but what can i say? sometimes.i feel i have so strong feeling to him.sometimes.i do wish i can share every second with him.but.the only thing i can do is to emphasize we just are friends.yes.i never want to betray my family.yes.in life.there are too many temptation. do we should fellow our feeling to hurt another? i know that.i know.i choise the marriage.and i built the family.i should treause and protect it.not to hurt it.

  every year.he always post something or money to me.i told him again and again he shouldnot.but he insisted.i do not wish our friendship has some loaves and fishes.so i save all these money in bank.i thought.if he came.i will use the money on him.but.when i send a email and ask him if he would like to come.he answered: i do like.but i am afraid that i will kidnap you when i meet you..yes.that is a joke.but.the joke has some truth.i can imagine we meet.but.if that happened in life.i donot think that will be good for us.he is right.i always dream too much.but once when i face the truth.i am so weak.

  that makes me so sentimental.sometimes.when i am alone.when i think of him.i do want to cry.in the world.who do you want to hand for all life? whe do you can to hand for all life? people say: there are three person in the world who you meet.one is you love.one is who love you.and one is the one you should live together for all life. why donot they are the same???????

  i still cannot be sure if that is love.but.that is the true feeling for me.boring so much......