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SEVEN HORRIBLE, GRISTLY DEATHS Part 1 of 2 Parts


By beanerywriters(11,675)



The judge lowered her half-rimmed glasses and peered over them at her newest defendant. She leaned forward with a puzzled look and squinted, then double-checked the name on the docket.
"Who is this woman?” she asked, turning to the bailiff.
"That's the defendant, your honor, Mrs. Gertrude Henkel."
"YOU?” she asked in disbelief.
 The defendant nodded a timid reply. It suited her. Mrs. Henkel exuded timidity.  Her shrinking posture and skittish movements gave her the look of a tiny, helpless woodland creature.
"Mrs. Henkel, according to my paperwork, you are here because you've been charged with attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon and making terroristic threats. Is this possible?"
This time, the timid nod was accompanied by a timid, "Yes, Ma'am."
"Is the plaintiff here?"
 "Yes, your honor,” answered the bailiff, directing her gaze to a beefy man sitting at the prosecutor's table. The gentleman owned a delicatessen, but looked like he could have been a hit-man:  6'-1", 220 pounds, stocky and muscular. His left elbow was in a sling. Dark green, blue and amber bruises covered his face. He waved his good arm toward the judge and tried his best to look like a victim. She motioned to the District Attorney to the bench.
"Your Honor," he began, "the police report indicates that the victim, Mr. Bruno, was waiting on Mrs. Henkel at his place of business when, for no apparent reason, she attacked him.
"With what?” asked the judge, eyeing the victim's injuries. "A baseball bat?"
"No, your honor, with a roll of cappacola salami."
"And don't forget about what she did to my phone!” called Mr. Bruno from across the room.
"Oh, yes", the DA added. "It is also alleged that before striking Mr. Bruno with the salami, she grabbed a cell phone out of his hands and buried it in a bowl of roasted red peppers."
The judge steepled her fingers and rested them thoughtfully against her chin. 
"Mrs. Henkel, I must admit that I find this all a little hard to believe. Did you really attack this man?" 
The defendant's reply was hushed and hesitant.
"Well, I uh... I uh, didn't think I was doing anything, but... but I suppose... that is... I guess I did."
The judge looked puzzled and demanded a clearer explanation.
"I had purchased some rolls and half a pound of muenster cheese," the woman began softly. "And I was paying for them when Mr. Bruno's cell phone rang.  Instead of giving me my change so I could leave, he made me stand there and wait while he went on and on and ON, yapping with someone about the price of his new freezer WHILE I'M STUCK STANDING THERE!"
In that short time, the meek Mrs. Henkel had been transformed into a fiery-eyed, bare-teethed screaming maniac. She paused, looking as if she had startled herself, then continued quietly again.
"Well, then I imagined myself grabbing his phone and beating him with the meat roll, just like all the other times."
"Other times?” asked the judge.
"Uh, yes Ma'am," answered the defendant….

"The first time I remember it happening was at my niece's wedding. Just as they were about to exchange vows, a cell phone rang and a gentleman sitting across the aisle actually answered it and started talking. The next thing that went through my mind was going over there with a couple of big, fat hymnals and bashing his head between them, over and over again until he fell over dead, then throwing his phone up into the balcony."

Her actions---so appallingly violent, yet described so meekly---chilled the group gathered at the bench. The judge sat back, stunned.
"Mrs. Henkel, are you telling us that Mr. Bruno isn't the first person you've assaulted in this way?"
Visit the Beanery Online Literary Journal at www.ProBlogs.com/beanerywriters on Thursday evening to read the conclusion of Seven Horrible, Gristly Deaths.
---Written by geoffrey m. miller  © 1999  Miller Creative Services.   All rights reserved. Used by permission.



This Blog Post has been read 5 times.
Posted to ProBlogs.com on Monday, January 01, 2007
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