Little Green Men and Parental Responsibility

Driving home through my neighborhood the other day, I came this close to hitting a pedestrian...well, it looked like a pedestrian...I mean, it was pedestrian-shaped.  Actually it was a plastic sign shaped like a stylized child (think the man/woman pictures on restroom doors and you'll get the idea), about two feet tall, neon green in color, with the word SLOW painted on each side.  He was standing several feet out in the street, a glowing beacon warning motorists that children were playing nearby, and reminding them to drive a little more carefully.  After stopping to keep from hitting the plastic guardian, I swerved around him to continue my drive and was nearly hit by a motorist coming the other way who had clearly not seen the sign in the road and was driving at a rate of speed that I'd bet was not under the posted speed limit.

Mommy and Daddy probably felt they were doing their job as good parents by putting the Little Green Man out to guard their children's play area (which seemed to include the front yard, parts of the neighbors' yard, and the streets in front of both homes).  I look at it a little differently, though.  I think it's a perfect opportunity to call Child Protective Services and report suspected child abuse.

Sounds harsh, doesn't it?  Yet Mommy and Daddy were nowhere to be found as the children were playing.  They forced the role of babysitter on the Little Green Man, even though he was incapable of taking care of their children in any real way.  And that's not exactly true, either.  The Little Green Man isn't the babysitter.  He's the indicator telling drivers that THEY need to be the babysitter for the kids running around in the streets while Mommy and Daddy are cooking dinner or watching television or spending "quality time" together.  If Mommy and Daddy care so much for their kids, why aren't they watching them at play?  More importantly, why don't they teach their children that yards are for kids and streets are for cars, and the two do not mix?  What makes parents think they can abdicate their parental role and let schools, the government, and yes, even Little Green Men, take over?

I have to wonder what happens the day somebody ignores the Little Green Man's implied job offer and runs down a child at play.  Will the grief-stricken parents fire the Little Green Man for not doing his duty?  Perhaps they'll sue him for damages.  Or, God forbid, what about when a child predator goes driving by and sees an opportunity to help himself to the merchandise?  Can the Little Green Man be brought up on criminal charges for negligence?

I think the next time I see the Little Green Man on the street delivering his message, I'll send one of my own to his "bosses":  I'll run the little punk down.  Maybe they'll take the hint.