To Each His Own (Sport): Racism and Team Ownership

The Houston Dynamo, our local soccer team, just won their second championship last weekend; in response, the city held a big pep rally during the week to celebrate.  I was leaving work as the crowds of fans were coming in to celebrate.  I heard a couple of guys talking behind me as I was walking to my parking lot.  I pretty much ignored the conversation until one of them commented on the team.  THe other responded with, "No, this is OUR team."  The first guy said something else, and the second replied, "YOU have the Texans and the Astros.  WE get the Dynamo!"  As I turned to cross the street, I looked back to find out the two young men who were having this conversation were Causasian and Hispanic.  The Hispanic gentleman continued to vehemently argue his case that the soccer team was THEIR team.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that by "our" team, the young man was saying that the Dynamo "belonged" to Hispanics.  (Maybe "belonged isn't the right word, but it's the best one I can come up with.)  I mulled that one over on the way home.  I wasn't aware that certain races "owned" certain sports, but I starting thinking about what criteria would determine ownership.  Is it calculated by the race of the majority of players, or by the country of origin of the sport?  Is the race of the owner the key factor?  Does the heritage of the fans play any part?

I though over the various factors involved, and have come up with my own list of which sports should represent which races.  This is only my first draft, and will need some revision of course, but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Caucasian:  Golf, tennis, polo, fencing, and equestrian sports.  The entertainment activities that differentiate the upper-class from the rest of the pack should be easily embraced by all those rich white people.

Black (NOT "African-American", as there are plenty of black people the world over who don't live in the US):  Football and basketball.  With both sports being dominated by black players, these choices seemed obvious.  The latter in particular has been adopted as the sport of choice by the urban crowd, and since everything we hear on the news indicates only black people live in the city, it was the obvious choice.

Hispanic:  Soccer.  This completely ignores the European love for the game, but since they have all those other sports listed under "Causasian", it'll be okay.

Oriental:  Table tennis and sumo wrestling.  In this part of the world, obese men in oversized diapers are definitely not considered acceptable role models.

Middle Eastern:  Since I don't know what sports folks in the earth's oil-producing nations play (soccer perhaps?), I have to pass.

Indian (American):  I was unsure about this one.  Rodeo, maybe?

(You'll notice that baseball is missing from the list.  Long defined as the "all-American" sport, I have a major conflict choosing which race can claim ownership in our melting-pot society.  I'll have to do more research on that one and get back to you.)

Of course, the list needs to be revised to take into account factors like male versus female, straight versus gay, Republican versus Democrat versus Libertarian versus Independent, Catholic versus Protestant versus Evangelical versus Jewish versus Muslim versus Buddhist versus Wiccan versus Pagan versus Agnostic versus Atheist, and all the other fragmented groups in our society who will undoubtely want their piece of the sports team pie.  Good Lord, now I know what a divorce lawyer feels like!

You know, this is a heck of a lot of work.  I think I have a better idea:  Instead of worrying about which group can lay claim to which team, why don't we invent a new group:  SPORTS FANS.  It could be all-inclusive.  People of every race, color, religious preference, and political background could join.  And then the list could look like this:

Sports Fans:  All of 'em.

It'd certainly be a lot easier.