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Sleeping With Humans - A guide for canines

By BJChips(5,633) BJChips

Dear Diary,

 This is for all you canines who want to enjoy the comfort of your human’s bed.
First off, let me say that sleeping with your humans can be both rewarding and challenging! There must be rules established from the start and you, as a canine must stick to the ones you’ve established for your humans.
Here is a quick reference guide for those of you who need a refresher in sleeping with a human.
Quickly establish your turf on the bed. Decide where you want your space to be and quickly establish that area as yours.
To maximize comfort assume a position of lying on your back spreading your legs as far in each direction as physically possible. Also, extend you head and neck as well as your tail to maximize your space.
Whenever your human gives up space, such as curling up in a ball, moving to the edge of the bed or vacating the bed for bathroom trips IMMEDIATELY assume that space for yourself.
Lying tightly pressed against your humans legs, back, butt or stomach is a good technique to establish your space and keep the humans from returning to the space they have vacated.
If the human objects to your space ignore them by pretending to be asleep. Breathe heavily and keep your eyes shut tight. If the human attempts to physically remove you from your spot remain limp forcing them to move your dead weight. If they attempt to roll you out of their way brace with the two legs closest to the bed making it impossible for them to roll you over. In their half asleep condition they will quickly surrender and confine themselves to the space you have granted them
In extreme cases when they become enraged and threaten to remove you from the bed at all costs quickly shift to your “I’m so darn cute” look. Combine this look with a slight cock of your head and small whine. Most humans will allow you to stay on the bed. For a brief adjustment period allow them to have all the space they want. Then start back at step one and reestablish your turf. Repeat this as often as necessary until your human pet learns his or her place.
Using your human pet for a pillow is also an effective tool for maintaining your space on the bed. Legs and feet are the best pillows for short-term naps however for long term consider the comfort of your human pets soft stomach or thigh. These body areas provide more then adequate support and comfort at the same time.
Be mindful of your human pets sleep habits. Some humans snore dreadfully! The noise is very similar to a combination between a growl and a snort and will come every time they breath! Quite often humans will fight amongst themselves over this behavior, but if well timed you can use the snoring to gain advantage.  Consider your status with the non-snoring human if you successfully stifle that awful noise!
There are several ways you can assist the human in stopping the awful, bone chilling noise. First rousting the human with a series of nose pokes and rubs will temporarily stop the noise.  Once it stops quickly, settle down to sleep, as you MUST be the first one to doze off.
10)Another way to stop a human from snoring is to drape yourself over their chest area and remain there. Make yourself as heavy as possible, which will cause them to feel suffocated and arouse from their sleep. Once awake, lick your human several times so they understand you were merely trying to resuscitate them from a near death experience.
11) In extreme cases, you can consider the paw side the face. WARNING, do not use this technique unless there are no other options available. Gently tap your snoring human several times on the nose or cheek until they become aware of something in their face then quickly back off. Be sure you are back on the foot of the bed before they are completely aware of their surroundings. An innocent look shot their way at this point will keep them unaware of what or who woke them. 

 I was once lucky enough to have my female human evict the male from the bedroom when the snoring was so bad that no one in the room was able to close an eyelid. (Something about a sinus condition). Once he had vacated the bed, I was free to assume the entire half for myself. The condition was temporary and the male returned to the bed the next night but it was blissful while it lasted.
Until next time, fellow canines remember DOGS RULE and LHASA’S ARE KING!

This Blog Post has been read 43 times.
Posted to ProBlogs.com on Monday, January 01, 2007
View other posts by BJChips

Comments on this blog post:

Comment by BJChips(5,633) BJChips
Oh B'J fanks for da tips on da bed, we cant go on da bed no more cos dat pekey daisy puked up on da humans quilt..... so now we is all on da floor. woofs & kisses from Dolly & Chloe
Comment by BJChips(5,633) BJChips
Welcome back BJ!

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