To Poop or Not To Poop - That is the question

Fellow canines, the recent onset of cold weather has caused me to ponder the differences between human pets and canines when it comes to potty habits.

First off, if you have a human pet then you must have noticed that they insist on going potty on a strange white object they called a toilet. This toilet contains very cold water and I am told that some canines partake of this water for drinking on a regular basis. I personally have not drunk from this porcelain contraption since I must stand on my tippy toes to even see into the thing.

This thing called a toilet is located in a special potty room called a bathroom and all the human pets use the same potty spot over and over again. Humans apparently do not search or sniff for a spot in which to make potty but are contented to plop down on this cold white thing and make business anytime of the day or night that suits them.

They seem to have frantic periods when they rush to get to the potty room and become panic stricken if you stop them to ask for a treat, ear scratch or even something as important as your own potty trip. Mine are especially frantic when arising from bed in the morning. I have seen the human female literally trip over the cat in a fit of panic to get to her potty spot.  

Many human pets loiter over potty time. Our bathroom has an abundance of reading material, crossword puzzles and other “entertainment” for the humans while they make business. I’ve even heard that humans use their communication device, the telephone while busy in the potty room. What could one possibly talk about while making pooh?

This brings me to the point of this post. Yesterday morning the first heavy frost of the season covered the ground at my house. I arose at six o’clock as usual, woke my female human for our morning walk and sat (paws crossed) by the door while she made her first trip to the potty room. I then waited while she removed her house slippers and put on shoes, a sweater and a coat  before I was able to get her on our long leash for her first walk of the day. Note: Always put your human on a long leash for potty trips as it gives them and you more freedom to wander about in their half asleep state.  

Having just about caused my bladder to burst I rushed through the door in search of the nearest spot in my potty routine. My first stop every morning is the large bush by the corner of the driveway. I empty my bladder to a comfortable level and move on to my next stop, the mulberry tree where I make another deposit.  On to my third stop the large lawn decoration; here I catch the scent of another canine and pause to reflect on whether or not I recognize him. Now I sense the female human is getting a little antsy with her morning walk.  She begins to tug the leash anxious to move further down the driveway.

I oblige and trot happily along side to the end of the yard. It is here that she expects me to make potty quickly and she verbally reminds me that she is “Cold”. Humans just don’t understand the delicate art that goes into the selection of a proper poop spot.  

They fail to appreciate the need to seek out the exact spot, the perfect blade of grass and the exact angle at which a canine must be situated in for proper pooping. One can’t simply stop, drop and poop! This ancient custom goes back to the days of our wild ancestors when poop was used to define territory and recognize strangers in the neighborhood.

In today’s civilized canine society poop and poop sniffing is still used to detect strangers in the neighborhood, and mark the territory we call home. It requires careful placement around ones yard to establish and maintain territory.  

I am busy engrossed in scenting out the perfect morning poop spot when the female human tugs her leash and announces “Hurry up! I’m freezing out here!”

I move on to another area of the yard and begin the process of sniffing out my spot when I stumble across a strange scent I don’t recognize. Rabbit? No, raccoon perhaps. Humm, this requires a moment of deep sniffing and thought. Ah, not rabbit, not raccoon, apparently a skunk has wandered into my yard overnight. Pewee! This requires re-scenting the spot with my own wee wee. I am just about finished with this and back on the trail of my morning poop location when the human announces “You have thirty seconds or we are going in!” she snaps at her leash and starts stomping back up the driveway with me in tow! 

“Hey, just a darn minute! Whose walk is this?”  I ask. My protest stops her retreat to the house and once again, I start the process of tracking down my morning spot. This time I make quick work of it and select the first spot I come across that I had pre marked at an earlier time. The human female is now pacing on her leash and blowing into her hands as if it’s a hundred degrees below zero. What will the pour creature do when winter really sets in?

Back in the house, I settle on the rug and request a cookie to munch on. She tosses me one and rushes off to the human potty room, tripping over the cat in route. Seems the cold has made her have to make wee wee  again. Ah humans, they just don’t understand the finer points of a good  wee or poop!  

Until next time, keep your humans on a good sturdy leash and stay out of their way when they are in frenzy for their potty room.

Comment by BJChips^(5,633)

Comment by BJChips^(5,633)