"I have to simplify my life," I thought as I stared at my over-crowded apartment. Paper piles cascaded across the floor and spread across my chaise lounge.
"Mom, we're gonna find you in a heap of papers when you die!" Tom exclaimed on a recent visit. "You always wanted to sell your U shaped couch. I'll take it and buy you a smaller one!"
"Fine!" I declared.
Now the couch quest was on. I searched far and wide--Johnstown, Greensburg, Pittsburgh, Plumville, Clymer, and Indiana for the perfect replacement. "Too fat, too full, too many pillows, wrong color," I said as I rejected each one.
One day, an L shaped couch caught my eye in a store on Route 30--no delivery fee, special closeout sale that day...
Sounded great! I would have Tom pick up my new couch when he carted off my old couch. What a surprise when Tom delivered my new oversize couch. It had looked so small in the store even though it was L shaped. Tom and my daughter Lisa grunted and groaned when they lifted my new couch off Tom's truck.
"Too heavy, Mom," Lisa yelled. "Not going to fit through the door!" she said as she tilted the couch.
"Oh, no! It's cracked on the bottom!”
"It'll have to go back!" I yelled.
"Let's see how it looks," Tom insisted while wrestling the couch into corner.
I should have taken a tape measure to the store when I had purchased the couch. I thought all L shapes were the same size--wrong. This couch took up most of my living room, defeated the whole idea of our exchange.
I felt as though a monster had devoured my space, not to mention the mounds of papers scattered about the room--no more chaise lounge to store them.
What a mess I was in! Later that evening, I had nightmares about the couch that had engulfed me! I couldn't sleep. My life was consumed with thoughts of what to do with this monstrosity!" Fortunately, customer service was very cooperative, as long as I exchanged the couch for merchandise in their store...
Now the expense rose, the delivery fee was added onto my bill. I searched the store for a simple couch, no sleeper, just plain and simple. My eyes spotted a blue plaid couch in the corner. I reasoned the plaid couch would match my yellow country curtains.
When I arrived home, I checked my answering machine. "This is the Indiana couch police checking about your L shaped couch. Sounded like Tom. I didn't have the nerve to tell him I had exchanged the couch for a simpler version.
Delivery was smooth and efficient. I signed the papers. Now all my walls were showing. I pulled out my wicker to fill the void. So much white--and the curtains--they looked so dirty. I yanked them off and took them to the dry cleaners.
"That’ll be $30 to clean them," the dry cleaner woman said.
"But, they're only cotton, permanent press. For that amount of money, I can buy new drapes!" I stammered. Now the search was on for new curtains.
Exhausted, defeated, I returned home and plunked down on my new plaid couch. The pattern shifted; the plaid rearranged itself each time I sat down.
It was then that I recalled the words of a famous newscaster when she said she bought a new couch and it didn't bring her happiness so she decided to become a nun!"
Get thee to a nunnery! Had my couch search driven me to madness? You might think so if you had been in my home at 2:00 a.m. on Friday evening. I had taken my country curtains to the laundromat, swished them in the washer and spun them in the dryer. The chintz shimmer was gone. My curtains were limp and lifeless! The plastic pulls had tightened in the dryer. I threw them into my trunk to take to Goodwill.
I faced my bare windows and tried to convince myself that I truly enjoyed the sun's rays playing on my walls! When I could stand the brightness no longer, I sped to Wal-Mart and purchased lace curtains. I had joined the ranks of my senior citizen neighbors. When my son Robert handed me an Amaryllis for Christmas, I remembered how my patients at a nursing home received the flower each year.
That was it! I took the lace curtains back to the store. Hastily I opened my trunk and pulled out my yellow curtains. I thought I could rearrange the cords and cut off the adjustment pulls. I was amazed to find that the cold weather adjusted the pulls. Up went my curtains!
As for the couch, Tom dropped by one day for a visit.
"You did what?" he exclaimed.
"Oh, I exchanged the couch," I said timidly. What was to simplify my life had turned into a nightmare.
"Oh, Tom, I was thinking of finding a new apartment...." And Robert, the Amaryllis was truly a delight! But that’s another story!
PS. I am truly unhappy with my plaid couch and would like to renovate with a classy style!
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